Returning Home: A New Journey

I've been living in Hawaii for about six years. Each year we take a trip to the mainland. The first two years we took two trips. Last year, we did not. And that's why I think this one was needed on multiple levels.

Now let me back up a bit. (There's so much going in my head as I type so bear with me)

My mother suddenly died in September of 2015. My mothers side of the family is all I knew. I was very fortunate to grow up with my great grands, grands, my cousins and a host of aunts and uncles. The elders in my family didn't just teach us black history, but our own families' history. Growing up with that type of wisdom has benefitted me in a magnitude of ways. I went to elementary school with my cousins, had fish fry's every September, and we knew Christmas morning was always spent at Grandma Elaine's house where she put out all the stops for a big breakfast. I didn't need to know anything about my father or that side of the family. This was the only family I knew and needed.

Now over the years, I would ask my mom questions. She would answer them openly and honestly. I knew my parents both met while in the Marine Corps. (I was born at Camp Leguene) My father was born in Alabama, but raised in Tennessee. (Where his folks currently reside) He was a junior. He had 3 sisters, and two brothers; one a set of twins. I asked her one day why they divorced, she just simply said, "We just didn't get along" I knew then and know today there is more to the story. But I never found out, and quite frankly, it doesn't matter anymore.

Fast forward years later, I am a freshman in college. I started looking for him through the white pages online. (Google wasn't that big then) I ended up coming across, who would later be my grandfather, the senior Patterson. I left a message and went about my day. A few days later a woman, who was my grandmother called me back. She cried and cried over the phone. She said her son lied to her all these years. (She thought we still lived in Detroit, but been living in Virginia for years) And the last time she saw me, I was an infant. I told her I was trying to get in contact with my father. She promised to pass on my information. My father ended up calling me later that night. It was weird. I just wanted to know who he was, but I wasn't sure I wanted a relationship with him. I was 19, I surely didn't need him now did I? So I asked him the same question I asked my mom. He had the same answer, "We just didn't get along''

Fast forward again, it's 2015, I'm married to my college sweetheart and we have a daughter together. I have kept in contact with my grandparents over the years, even one of my aunts who lived in Nashville (also who became close with) but I no longer have a relationship with my father. I'm a make this short and just say, he's full of shit and  crazy. Again, my relationship with my grandparents were good. However, I didn't feel a need to go visit or anything. Keeping in touch was enough for me. But in June, I got the phone call that my mom had Stage 4 colon cancer. Two weeks later I was in Michigan to see her, 3 weeks later, she passed way. My Ohana  was simply amazing. My husband was my rock, and pole fitness helped me maintain my mental health. But my daughter, my daughter... is what truly kept me from falling.

2016 was a transformation year for our family. Career changes for my husband and I, and resetting our goals. So our annual mainland trip wasn't in the cards for us.  But we still manage to have some family staycations. Towards the end of 2016, I kept feeling this pull. It yanked me more and more by each passing  week. It started to distract me and consumed me. I asked my friend about it, she said, 'You can't ignore that feeling. Those ties are a huge deal. You know what you need to do" So I told my husband while sitting up in bed, "It's time for me to visit. It's time for me to go HOME'

I was going to meet my paternal grandparents and my father side of the family for the first time.

2017 rolls around and we start planning our mainland trip; Michigan, Tennessee, and then Virginia. Michigan was important because I needed to see my mommy. Virginia is always a destination when we go because my sister and college buddies still live there, Plus, my husbands best friend was getting married, and he was the best man and my daughter, the flower girl. And then of course there was Tennessee. We decided to make a road trip out the deal. We never took one as a family and thought it would be a great experience for Tia, since there is no such thing as a road trip here. We would fly to Detroit, road trip to Tennessee, and then Virginia. Yes yall, it sounded like a lot, especially with a 5 year old. But it was a great experience and lots of in. TIRING, but lot's of fun.

Visiting my mom washed away one of the stages of grief I was still dealing with; guilt. 2016 plagued me with it. Being able to see her final resting place complete, talk to her, and just sit down and reflect was almost like an act of self care.

I am going to skip  Tennessee for now and go straight to my trip to Virginia.  Sitting with my sister, watching my daughter and niece play and make up routines...reminded me of my cousins and I doing the same. I want my daughter to have that too. It also reminded me of taking time out for family. Don't get me wrong. I love traveling and visiting different countries (were going next year, and I'm pretty stoked about it.) But taking some time off to visit your cousins, aunts, uncles, and elders is just as important. That connection is vital.

Now rewinding back...as we were on the road approaching Tennessee, I became really nervous. My grandmother informed me it was just going to be her and her great granddaughter (who's 3) at the house when I arrived. She told me she cooked a nice meal for us knowing we would be hungry getting off the road. I called her like every hour letting her know where we were. We were making some great timing, but I still kept shacking my leg in the car. Would it be weird? Was this a good idea? Would I even feel like I belonged? My husband kept reassuring me it would be fine. 30 minutes out. 20..10...We finally pulled up in the drive away of my grandparents big blue house. My grandmother was sitting on the porch. I ran out the car and she embraced me tightly. She sniffled and said, "Im so glad you came baby. I've missed you."

Later that evening, a few family members came by. I knew of one my aunts because my mother mentioned her a few times growing up. She was exactly how my mother described her, hilarious. She was by far my favorite. The family members, "oooed and ahhhhed' over me and inspected me while they tried to figure who I looked like in the family. It was overwhelming, but joyful. The next day at dinner, I met one of my cousins, who I thought was younger, but was my age. (I swear black DOES NOT crack) She talked about how she's been wanting to do more traveling and taking her first cruise in September. We exchanged phone number and now text each other all the time. She even plans on coming out here next year. We're both excited.

My grand daddy is a quiet man. But he did show me pictures of him when he use to be the towns Sheriff. (It was a big deal being a black man) Before he left he said, "I honestly didn't think you would come. I know how you young folks are.*We both laughed* But feel free to take anything you see in the house." I took a small picture of him and my grandmother when they first got married.

Even though we did "tourist" things, road through scenic routes, and got out the car to take pictures on the road.......This mainland trip wasn't just a vacation. It was about rekindling the connection....and returning home.